Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
