Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize