READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
