If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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