see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
