i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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