rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
