Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
