It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
