About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
