what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
