Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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