a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think people are normalizing furries
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
