Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
