Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
