Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
