Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
