I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
