She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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