Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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