highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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