i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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