i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
