How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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