so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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