I'm really into asian looking animals
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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