Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize