Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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