If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
