i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
