a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
