Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
