is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
