cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
