she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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