You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
