Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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