Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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