Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
