i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
