i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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