I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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