that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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