youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
