dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
