so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
