I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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