Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
