I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
