just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
