LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
