I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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