I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
