Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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