Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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