just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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