I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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