Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
