we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Randomize
