Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
