what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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