the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
