Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
