I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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