i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
