She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
