dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
