OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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