I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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