All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
