I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
