cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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