We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
