I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
