guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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