i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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