U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
