a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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